Since the last time I posted I have run my second half marathon and quit my job. Which do you want to hear about? Let’s start with work shall we?
I seriously feel like my heart is broken. Putting in my 2 week notice at work was one of the hardest things that I have ever done in my life. I can’t really go into detail about my reasons, but sometimes in life we have to do what is going to be best in the long term even if it hurts like hell in the moment. I am not jobless. I accepted another position at a facility that is very similar to the one I am currently at. I will not be working in long term care anymore, instead I will be working a post acute floor. This is going to be very good for my nursing skills. I will be seeing all different types of patients and working with them to get them home. I will still be PRN at my current job, which means I may be giving up some weekends and mornings, but I could not just walk away from the coworkers and residents that I love so much. I’m crying as a type this post. I am so afraid that I am making a huge mistake…abandoning people who need me…I realize that I am not the only nurse competent enough to work my floor and that my resident’s will get there needs met. But. Who will decorate A’s room for the holidays when she gets depressed? Who will paint T’s nails when she is crying about feeling hopeless? Who will make sure that N not only is gotten out of bed but that she is brought to and included in activities and not just left alone by the nurses station? Who will give V bed baths when she is filthy and will not let the CNAs clean her? Who will feed D to make sure he eats but assertively make him wheel his own way down the hall no matter how much he screams, becuase it is for his own good that he maintains the ability to use his legs and arms? Who will love these residents as much as I do? Being new to the area and not knowing anyone when I started working I threw myself into work and providing the best care possible for my residents. They became my friends. They are my family.
I have my reasons though and I am a true believer in that everything happens for a reason; that it is the uncomfortable and challenging moments that create growth.
This quote has helped me the past week. “Give up avoiding change. – However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So embrace change and realize that change happens.”
I think I’m going to just leave this post at that. I’ll recap my race and life next time.